I'm finally "her"

So I struggled with how to title this post and even with how to get my thoughts out so bear with me - I hope that it makes as much sense when I get it out as it does in my head.

So when you are struggling to get pregnant as many of my ttc sisters know -  it seems like every single person you see is pregnant. You feel like you must be exaggerating but just about the time you think that - there's a pregnant parade down your street, or you walk in to an expectant moms meet up at Starbucks and you realize the world is out to get you indeed.

When you want nothing more than to be pregnant and bring home a little bundle of joy all your own you can't help but think "damn, I wish I was in "her" shoes". You look at "her" with "her" baby bump and pregnancy glow and you think wow, I hope one day that will be me and I will be able to experience weekly bump pics, ultrasounds, gender reveals and baby showers.

Then through sex, IUI, timed intercourse, IVF or some miracle of God you become "her". You for the first time see those two pink lines, you get to surprise your hubby with a shirt that says "This guy is going to be a daddy", you tell family and friends, you may or may not feel nauseous, you start weekly bump pics and you drop to your knees and Thank God for the amazing opportunity you have been given. At this point you are "her". And then…doubt and worry steps in. You are pregnant and you could not be happier - but now you have a new "her" as your role model. Now your "her" that you long to be is the momma that's further along, the momma that's past the 24 week viability point - whose baby could survive if God forbid he/she were born tomorrow. You long to be this new "her".

For me once I was pregnant I was always looking forward. I didn't want to wish my pregnancy away but I always wanted to be that new "her". I looked forward to week 24 to know that my little nugget could survive outside my womb. Once I was "her" - surprise, surprise - I had a new "her". I then looked to the mommas who were full term or getting close to delivering or had just delivered their babies. Their babies were safe and sound, they had delivered them and they were happy and healthy and the worrying was gone - or so I thought. 

Then on April 7th I became that version of "her". My little nugget was here safe and sound, my sweet CJ was finally here and he was happy, healthy and perfect. My life finally felt complete - my little family felt whole. I was finally "HER". I remember looking at first family photos, mommas in hospital gowns, red faced little swollen babies and proud papas. That was us - this was it!

Now I have a lot of "her" moments. While struggling to get pregnant I would see moms at the park, playing with their babes, I would see friends posting first day of school pictures, I would see family out to dinner together - both parents doting over their little ones, moms walking through the neighborhood with babies on their hips or in their ergs - that's me - I'm not the "her" I always dreamed of being. 

I think of all us have a "her" in our lifetime at different points or another - whether it be related to babies, jobs, finding your mate - whatever it may be. When you are on the wanting side it's tough and you feel like you will never be "her" - but once you are the waiting, wishing and hoping is all worth every single second! I hope that all of my ttc sisters soon become the "her" they've always dreamed of.