Sleep is for the weak

So I've been totally neglecting the blog recently and I'm so sorry I vowed when I stopped working to keep up with it better but then my sweet little Ceej decided sleep was for the weak and stopped sleeping longer than about 1:45 minute stretches ever - night or day. This momma is exhausted this lots of things - workouts, housework, grocery shopping and lots of other things have had to wait. If you know me and my type A personality - it kills me.

I never imagined how hard being a momma would be - that's not to say I don't look into my son's eyes every single day and thank God for allowing me to be his momma, or that I don't feel extremely blessed that even though he doesn't sleep he's a happy and healthy beautiful boy - but the exhaustion and sleep deprivation sure do catch up with you!

I wanted to write this post because I know for sure I can't be the only momma going through this and sometimes I feel so isolated. We are all so tied to social media these days - Facebook, instagram, twitter - most of us live our lives through our phones - documenting the good times. Posting statuses of how blessed we are, how our little ones did this or that, how happy we are about xyz - but what most of us don't post are the posts when we are having a rough day? When the baby won't let you put him/her down, when you are covered in pee, poo and spit up simultaneously all while laundry is piled halfway up the wall and you haven't showered or brushed your teeth in 3. I'm guilty of this too - we all are - most of us (unless you put your life on the interwebs on blog form for all to see) do not like to air our dirty laundry. That being said to the momma at home struggling to get by on 4 hours of sleep that comes in 90 minute increments - you are not alone.

I love every single minute of being ceej's mom - there truly is nothing in this world - ever - that has brought me more joy and consumed my heart the way that parenting him does. He amazes me every single day - watching him learn new things and grow - but that doesn't mean it's easy. There are days where I would love to be able to drink a cup of coffee and read a book without another human to think of - and those are the days I call Gran or Daddy steps in and I have a few minutes to myself. There are also days where the tears flow like a waterfall and I don't know how I can do this. Just last week - ceej wasn't sleeping, he was super fussy and I just felt like I could not do one thing - honestly at one point it had been 2 days since is showers or brushed my teeth. I had a full on breakdown - called Chris home and honestly thought I couldn't do it any longer - and just as I was sobbing like a baby while cuddling my peanut - he lifted up his head, looked into my eyes and have me the sweetest smile ever - eyes screaming "momma - it's gonna be ok" - and at that moment I knew it was. This little guy has made my dreams come true  more than I ever imagined so for as long as he needs to wake 4 or 5 times a night I'm going to be there when he does to comfort him and nurse him back to sleep. Screw sleep training, screw the laundry and dinner and even plans - in the words of Darius Rucker - this phase is gonna fly by, if you can just hold on, it won't be like this for long.

XOXO

K