The Scariest Day of My Life...

No one ever said it was going to be easy right? On Tuesday, my first day back to work after Labor Day I was feeling great, I had had a great weekend with family and friends, feeling good that I had been taking daily short walks and was in general in a great mood. That all changed as I headed out for some fresh air at lunchtime. I went to the bathroom and when I wiped I saw what every pregnant woman dreads and fears - bright. red. blood. After doing my Endometrin insert - I realized it was more than just a little spotting. I immediately called the hubby and told him I was bleeding and he needed to meet me at the doctor. I immediately jumped in the car and headed straight to the doctor.

As I was on the phone with the nurse she was asking me what I was experiencing and said we can get you in tomorrow. I was like absolutely not - at this point I could tell I was gushing blood - and told her I had to be seen today. I work about 45 minutes to an hour from my clinic and she said if you can get here in 45 minutes we can see you. I drove like a bat out of hell the entire way to the clinic and prayed to God that he would watch over Baby Wik.

When I arrived I stood up to get out of the car and blood literally began to gush. I thought for sure it was over. My hubby was waiting for me when I arrived and we just gave each other a hug and I asked him "what are we going to do now?". I felt so hopeless.

I went in to the clinic and checked in, went to the restroom and I realized I was passing large clots. I came out and told hubby it's for sure over - I'm so sorry. They took us back immediately for an ultrasound and right away there Baby Wik was - on the screen with a strong heartbeat of 166!!! I cried like I have never cried before and thanked God out loud over and over. The ultrasound tech said I had a small bleed which she thought might be an implantation bleed and actually mentioned they are pretty common - she sees them in some form in 7 out of 10 pregnancies! Would have been nice to know before it happened to us and scared the living bejeezus out of us!

Baby Wik was measuring right on time and looking perfect. They drew my Progesterone and sent me on my way. She mentioned my bleed was "small" and that based on it's placement it may take a few days to work itself out. An hour later the nurse called and diagnosed it as a subchorionic hemmorhage and said that despite it - everything on the ultrasound looked perfect. She said keep up all the meds and do couch potato rest for 48 hours after the bleeding stopped. I had just a bit of spotting Wednesday and a very little bith Thursday - but knock on wood - nothing yet today!

We feel so thankful and blessed that Baby Wik is OK but being an IVF momma I feel like it has set us back. Once we saw baby's heartbeat last week - I felt a sense of peace and calm and thought ok, we got this, this might be OK afterall. And then when this happened - it put me right back in that spot where we all know all too well - that spot of despair and hopeless and frankly, the land of suck. I am past the point of why couldn't we get pregnant easily and conceive naturally - that wasn't the hand that was dealt to us. But now that we have created this beautiful life - why do we still have to go through heartache and pain? And I know so many of us IVF girls go through this very same thing - and much much worse - and honestly it's just not fair. The only thing I keep remembering is that God won't give us anything we can't handle - so we all must be bad a** motherf*ckers. (Pardon my french - but honestly it's the first thing that came to mind!)

I pray to God everyday that he lets us have a happy and healthy pregnancy that's not riddled with fear and anxiety. I just have to trust that is going to watch over us and take care of us. We have our next appointment Monday which is also supposed to be our final exit interview with our IVF doc. It's funny - my question list for him last week was when can I exercise, what should I be eating, when can we get frisky again - now all the questions revolve around the bleed - do I need a high risk OB, should I do modified bed rest until the 2nd tri where I basically go to work and that's it? So I find that kind of funny and I am convinced Baby Wik is either very feisty and stubborn like his/her momma and trying to keep us on our toes or they are thinking of their momma and daddy and just wanted to give us a chance to see them a little more while we wait for their arrival!

So with that - I leave you with a few pics! The latest Baby Wik ultrasound and our 7 week chalkboard pic. Excuse the fact that I look a hot mess - couch rest will do that to a girl!

 Baby wik at 7w5d!


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