My welcome back to the club...

So if you are a boy, my dad or father in law, or anyone who's squeamish about "girl" things you might want to skip this post. Today I want to talk about my welcome back into the shittiest club there every was - the infertile club. Yep, that's right folks, I got my first post partum period - or at least that's what I think it was - on our 10 year anniversary. As if being infertile isn't enough Aunt Flo had to show her ugly face on our anniversary, really? I mean we all know she's a biatch but come on….

So why am I talking about this on the fabulous inter webs and what does this mean? I am talking about this because I am passionate about raising infertility awareness. But I have a baby right? Yessirree I do - thousands of dollars, hundreds of needles, and lots of tears later I do and while I was pregnant and even in the months since Ceej was born I've lived blissfully unaware of my infertility. I have a sweet baby boy and he's my whole life so the thought of being infertile really hasn't crossed my mind until AF showed up. She is a reminder that ovulation predictor kits, temp charting, negative pregnancy tests likely followed by needles and doctors -  all of it will be our life again if we want to give Ceej a sibling. 

Part of raising awareness is helping educate people on being more sensitive. It's never ok to ask someone "when are you having kids". Please - remove that phrase from your vocabulary. I can introduce you to literally hundreds of women who would give their right arm to have a baby and can't  - so that phrase is like a dagger straight to the heart. Also - please immediately remove the phrase - "you know it might happen for you naturally now that you've had one baby - sometimes the body resets itself". If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that. Yes I understand this can happen and trust me - Chris and I would be so over the moon if this happened for us - but the truth is according to everything the doctors have told us it won't happen (his exact words were "I wouldn't waste my time - just come see me"). Part of our issue is male factor and I'm pretty positive that Chris didn't just have a baby. I don't mean to sound harsh - but these things can be very hard to hear when you are struggling.

Some might say but you have a sweet baby boy can't you just be happy about that and move on? And the answer to this is simple - the reason I want more babies is for Ceej. I want him to have brothers and/or sisters to play with, to grow up with, to teach all those things big brothers teach you. I want to look across the living room and see him teaching his siblings how to play with toys or look at books, I want to see him cuddling them and most importantly I want them to have each other. We all want our children to outlive us - it's part of being a parent - and part of that for me is hoping and praying I can give Ceej a sibling so that when that happens he has someone and doesn't have to go through that alone. My brother and I were 7 years apart and weren't always the closest growing up but I love that kid (ok not kid - he's almost 25 now…) to death and I will always be here for him no matter what. 

It's strange in a weird way those of us who are infertile and have had to fight like hell to get our miracles - many of us are thankful for the struggles we've endured. Sure - we wouldn't have chosen it that way - but having been given no choice it truly does make you stronger. It makes you realize you are capable or more than you ever imagined, it shows you what true determination is, and you realize that when you want something more than anything in this world - you will literally do whatever it takes to get that. Everyday when I open the "baby cabinet" to get a bottle or my mother's milk tea I have my 2 full to the brim IVF sharps containers staring back at me as a reminder of what we went through to get here - without the needles there would be no bottles. 

I am lucky enough to live in a state that gets an "A" for fertility coverage according to RESOLVE's fertility scorecard.  (http://familybuilding.resolve.org/fertility-scorecard/) For our 2 rounds of IVF the actual procedures and monitoring were covered at 100% - all we paid for was meds. So total for 2 rounds we spent about $6K. Had we not had coverage we would have been looking at well into the $30K plus range. In many states there is no mandatory coverage and for us - because I quit my job - Chris' insurance doesn't cover it either. While we are extremely thankful that our first 2 rounds were covered - we will struggle with trying to pay for any future rounds we might need. I can only hope that the lawmakers come to their senses and make infertility coverage mandatory in all states. It's not a choice and it's a true medical condition. We didn't choose to do IVF because it's easy, we did it because we had to. 

So long story short - and I'm rambling - but we are back in the club. We want a sibling for Ceej, and call us crazy, but we want one fast. So once he is 6 months old we will be trying for baby #2 and I hope that you will all continue to ride this crazy journey with us as I plan to document every step of the way - the good, the bad, the happy and sad. Thanks for reading my ramblings - you guys are the best!

XOXO

K