Follow Up
So as most of you know I sought help last week for the post partum depression feelings I've been having lately. And let me tell you - spending an hour talking to the nurse and an hour talking to a therapist and I already feel 100 times better - no joke. I think just speaking the words and how you are feeling aloud and also having someone validate that it's "normal" to feel this way has helped me already tremendously. I know that I have a lot of new moms and moms to be who follow the blog so I want to share some of the key things that I took away from our conversation:
1. When you have a baby you walk into the hospital the day you give birth you walk in as one person and literally in a matter of seconds - with that final push or as the doctor delivers the baby from your womb - you become a completely different person. Sure - you know having a baby will change your life, you have 9 months to prepare for it - but trust me when I say you cannot even begin to fathom truly how much your life changes. That change and shift for me has been very very hard. It's a struggle everyday. I think for me a part of it is because I decided to stay at home - so whereas I'm used to working in a pretty fast paced office 50+ hours a week my life is totally different these days. Because of this some moms literally go through a period where you mourn the loss of the old you. It's not that you don't love your baby, or don't love spending time with them, and it's not even that you aren't happy with your life post baby - it's just a major change that happens in a matter of seconds and can be a huge adjustment. I went from a life full of shoes, purses, clothes to bottles, jumperoos and elmo. I wouldn't change it for the world - it's what I wished, waited for and prayed for. Ways to help combat this is to try to regain - when possible - little bits of the old you. The suggestion to me was that mom have 1 hour a day to themselves - and that one hour doesn't include showering, grocery shopping or any chores - that should be separate. The hour should be painting your nails, working out, reading, watching tv or anything you enjoy doing.
2. It's OK if being a working mom is what makes you happy. Sounds dumb right? Of course staying at home isn't for everyone. But for me I guess I always had this guilt that because finically we were able to swing it - that if I didn't stay home I was being a bad mom. The longer I'm at home the more it's proving to be pretty hard for me. It's not that I don't love spending time with Casey - I love that child to the moon and back again - but I feel so isolated and alone most days and that's been very had for me. As I mentioned I used to think this made me a bad mom but I'm now realizing is working and having a purpose other than just mom makes me a happier person - it's going to make me a better wife, a better, person, and a better momma.
3. It's totally normal for the parent who stays at home to have resentment towards the working parent. This sounds so ridiculous in our situation because we as a family agreed that I would stay home and I was so excited about it - yet I harbor resentment that Chris "gets" to go to work, that he "gets" to have adult interaction everyday, and that he "gets" to go out to lunch when there days can pass when I don't leave the house. Yes - part of that is my fault - I can always get out with Case but there are some days honestly when I'm feeling all sorts of funky when I'd just rather be with my nugget. So this is something I know I need to work on and get over - or change it. It's not Chris' fault that he is the one who is working and as a matter of fact I'm sure it's a lot of pressure to know that you are the sole provider for your family. Nonetheless, I am so very glad to know it's "normal"
As I mentioned - just talking through everything with a few people now had helped tremendously so if you are struggling with PPD at all talk to someone - it will help. Even if it's your mom, your sister, me - anyone! For now the plan is to see the therapist once a week and I'm also going to see a Psychiatrist this week just in case she deems medication necessary to help with some of the anxiety and depression I've been feeling. Throughout this process I plan to be completely open and honest will all of you in hopes that it helps someone one day! I hope you are all having a great start to your week!
XOXO
K
1. When you have a baby you walk into the hospital the day you give birth you walk in as one person and literally in a matter of seconds - with that final push or as the doctor delivers the baby from your womb - you become a completely different person. Sure - you know having a baby will change your life, you have 9 months to prepare for it - but trust me when I say you cannot even begin to fathom truly how much your life changes. That change and shift for me has been very very hard. It's a struggle everyday. I think for me a part of it is because I decided to stay at home - so whereas I'm used to working in a pretty fast paced office 50+ hours a week my life is totally different these days. Because of this some moms literally go through a period where you mourn the loss of the old you. It's not that you don't love your baby, or don't love spending time with them, and it's not even that you aren't happy with your life post baby - it's just a major change that happens in a matter of seconds and can be a huge adjustment. I went from a life full of shoes, purses, clothes to bottles, jumperoos and elmo. I wouldn't change it for the world - it's what I wished, waited for and prayed for. Ways to help combat this is to try to regain - when possible - little bits of the old you. The suggestion to me was that mom have 1 hour a day to themselves - and that one hour doesn't include showering, grocery shopping or any chores - that should be separate. The hour should be painting your nails, working out, reading, watching tv or anything you enjoy doing.
2. It's OK if being a working mom is what makes you happy. Sounds dumb right? Of course staying at home isn't for everyone. But for me I guess I always had this guilt that because finically we were able to swing it - that if I didn't stay home I was being a bad mom. The longer I'm at home the more it's proving to be pretty hard for me. It's not that I don't love spending time with Casey - I love that child to the moon and back again - but I feel so isolated and alone most days and that's been very had for me. As I mentioned I used to think this made me a bad mom but I'm now realizing is working and having a purpose other than just mom makes me a happier person - it's going to make me a better wife, a better, person, and a better momma.
3. It's totally normal for the parent who stays at home to have resentment towards the working parent. This sounds so ridiculous in our situation because we as a family agreed that I would stay home and I was so excited about it - yet I harbor resentment that Chris "gets" to go to work, that he "gets" to have adult interaction everyday, and that he "gets" to go out to lunch when there days can pass when I don't leave the house. Yes - part of that is my fault - I can always get out with Case but there are some days honestly when I'm feeling all sorts of funky when I'd just rather be with my nugget. So this is something I know I need to work on and get over - or change it. It's not Chris' fault that he is the one who is working and as a matter of fact I'm sure it's a lot of pressure to know that you are the sole provider for your family. Nonetheless, I am so very glad to know it's "normal"
As I mentioned - just talking through everything with a few people now had helped tremendously so if you are struggling with PPD at all talk to someone - it will help. Even if it's your mom, your sister, me - anyone! For now the plan is to see the therapist once a week and I'm also going to see a Psychiatrist this week just in case she deems medication necessary to help with some of the anxiety and depression I've been feeling. Throughout this process I plan to be completely open and honest will all of you in hopes that it helps someone one day! I hope you are all having a great start to your week!
XOXO
K
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