Infertility Gives...
We are 1 in 8. According to Resolve 1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility - that's 15% of American couples. It's National Infertility Awareness week (NIAW) and to be totally honest - 5 years ago - I would have had no clue what Resolve was. I would have had zero clue that there was a National Infertility Awareness week. The words IVF, embryo, and egg retrieval would have sounded like foreign, weird, super-scientific concepts to me. Now, and forever, NIAW will always hold a special place in my heart.
For those of you who maybe started reading the blog post kiddos let me recap our story for you - the cliff's notes version. Chris and I were college sweethearts. We met in 2000, were married in 2004 shortly after graduating Purdue and the rest is history. We always knew we wanted a family but we also knew we wanted to enjoy one another and travel the world first. Being DINKS (dual income no kids) that's exactly what we did. We lived in a sweet apartment right behind Wrigley field, we traveled to Thailand, China, South Africa, all over Europe and all over the United States. It felt like we were always on the go. In 2012 we bought what we believed was our forever home and decided to finally settle down and try to start a family. Neither one of us suspected there might be any issues. Our friends had started to have kids and I was pinteresting ideas on gender reveal parties, nursery decor and ways to announce pregnancy to your family. So we tried, and tried, and tried. And...nothing. We tried supplements that were supposed to aid in fertility, we tried acupuncture, you name it we tried it until we discovered we likely needed some medical intervention.
We decided to go with Fertility Centers of Illinois and went for a consult. Long story short and many many needles and ultrasounds later we were told our chance of conceiving on our own was slim to none. As a matter of fact, our doctor suggested we not waste our time with drugs like clomid or femara, no timed intercourse with monitoring, no IUI - it was IVF or bust. So we strapped on our big girl panties and took the ride of our lives. We were fortunate that at the time our insurance covered the treatment (thank you Lundbeck) so for our firsts 2 cycles finances were not a concern. And as you all know - 4 cycles, 2 pregnancies, and 3 babies later - here we are.
I feel very lucky that we were able to even pursue fertility treatments as so many families struggling to conceive just cannot as there are still many states that do not have mandated coverage. Our last 2 cycles were not covered at all and financially it was a big burden to us but one we were so thankful to be able to afford and thankful that they were frozen cycles and thus not quite as expensive as a full blown fresh cycle.
There are many posts and articles out there - particularly this week - about how infertility affects couples. Let me tell you - it's the ultimate blow to the gut. It takes one of the biggest hopes and dreams one can have - the vision of that perfect family, Christmas and holiday celebrations surrounded by a huge family that you created, soccer practice and room moms, field trips, milestones - all of it - and it takes that away from you. It takes something that should be joyous and fun and exciting and turns it into heartache, fear, and sorrow. All of the sudden all those cutesie videos of how to tell you husband that you are pregnant fly out the window because now your husband will be sitting in a metal chair holding your hand in a cold and sterile room with a team of medical professionals at the moment you conceive. Infertility takes so much you...
But I feel like what you might not see this week is many articles about what infertility gives you. For me infertility made me strong - stronger than I ever imagined possible. It made me realize that I am physically and emotionally stronger than I ever imagined was possible. It eliminated my fear of medical professionals and procedures and needles - hell I actually enjoy the dentist now! It attempted to tear my husband and I apart - but we fought it and won and now have this unbelievable bond having been through such a trying time. Infertility has also brought some of the most amazing women and moms into my life for which I will always be grateful.
It has also opened my eyes to the fact that you never know what someone is going through. It was eye opening to have this connection with so many women and men that have or are struggling and are seemingly "normal" happy couples. It's taught me to be compassionate, to never assume why someone may or may not have kids, and to be sensitive - always - to what others might be going through. It prepared me to be a truly selfless mother. Before I was able to conceive I gave my body wholeheartedly to doctors to manipulate and create the optimal environment to grow and nourish a baby - and that has helped me to be less selfish and more giving now, as a mom. I will forever be grateful for all that infertility has given me - because honestly - it's made me one bad ass bitch.
So please, never underestimate what anyone might be going through. Even if someone has kids already, they may have struggled the first time around, they may have lost 5 babies just to have 1, or they may be struggling with secondary infertility. The sting of infertility never goes away - ever. We have one remaining embryo and if you ask us one day we think we might be done, the next day we think we are going to go back for our last baby - but the one thing I can tell you is that I will forever be infertile, even having 3 sweet babies in my arms. I'll always get a ping in my heart and a pit in my stomach when someone announces they're pregnant. Not because I'm not immensly happy for them - trust me I would never wish infertility on my worst enemy, ever - but because I'm sad for us. Sad that it never was and never would be easy, sad because I never got to experience sitting at work and suddenly having to bolt to the bathroom with morning sickness and being surprised that we were pregnant, being able to surprise my husband with a cute little gift and a positive pregnancy test. All of it. Trust me and every other infertile person in the world - whether we have kiddos or not - we are happy for you, we really and truly are, whether infertile or not you beat it and you won - but there will always be this longing in our heart and the "why not me?" question.
So please - if you come across someone who is struggling or you yourself battles infertility - please reach out, to me, to your friends, to someone because you don't have to go it alone. It's amazing how many families I've met that have struggled and won - and I guarantee you most of them would be more than happy to share their story and experience with you.
XOXO
K
For those of you who maybe started reading the blog post kiddos let me recap our story for you - the cliff's notes version. Chris and I were college sweethearts. We met in 2000, were married in 2004 shortly after graduating Purdue and the rest is history. We always knew we wanted a family but we also knew we wanted to enjoy one another and travel the world first. Being DINKS (dual income no kids) that's exactly what we did. We lived in a sweet apartment right behind Wrigley field, we traveled to Thailand, China, South Africa, all over Europe and all over the United States. It felt like we were always on the go. In 2012 we bought what we believed was our forever home and decided to finally settle down and try to start a family. Neither one of us suspected there might be any issues. Our friends had started to have kids and I was pinteresting ideas on gender reveal parties, nursery decor and ways to announce pregnancy to your family. So we tried, and tried, and tried. And...nothing. We tried supplements that were supposed to aid in fertility, we tried acupuncture, you name it we tried it until we discovered we likely needed some medical intervention.
We decided to go with Fertility Centers of Illinois and went for a consult. Long story short and many many needles and ultrasounds later we were told our chance of conceiving on our own was slim to none. As a matter of fact, our doctor suggested we not waste our time with drugs like clomid or femara, no timed intercourse with monitoring, no IUI - it was IVF or bust. So we strapped on our big girl panties and took the ride of our lives. We were fortunate that at the time our insurance covered the treatment (thank you Lundbeck) so for our firsts 2 cycles finances were not a concern. And as you all know - 4 cycles, 2 pregnancies, and 3 babies later - here we are.
I feel very lucky that we were able to even pursue fertility treatments as so many families struggling to conceive just cannot as there are still many states that do not have mandated coverage. Our last 2 cycles were not covered at all and financially it was a big burden to us but one we were so thankful to be able to afford and thankful that they were frozen cycles and thus not quite as expensive as a full blown fresh cycle.
There are many posts and articles out there - particularly this week - about how infertility affects couples. Let me tell you - it's the ultimate blow to the gut. It takes one of the biggest hopes and dreams one can have - the vision of that perfect family, Christmas and holiday celebrations surrounded by a huge family that you created, soccer practice and room moms, field trips, milestones - all of it - and it takes that away from you. It takes something that should be joyous and fun and exciting and turns it into heartache, fear, and sorrow. All of the sudden all those cutesie videos of how to tell you husband that you are pregnant fly out the window because now your husband will be sitting in a metal chair holding your hand in a cold and sterile room with a team of medical professionals at the moment you conceive. Infertility takes so much you...
But I feel like what you might not see this week is many articles about what infertility gives you. For me infertility made me strong - stronger than I ever imagined possible. It made me realize that I am physically and emotionally stronger than I ever imagined was possible. It eliminated my fear of medical professionals and procedures and needles - hell I actually enjoy the dentist now! It attempted to tear my husband and I apart - but we fought it and won and now have this unbelievable bond having been through such a trying time. Infertility has also brought some of the most amazing women and moms into my life for which I will always be grateful.
It has also opened my eyes to the fact that you never know what someone is going through. It was eye opening to have this connection with so many women and men that have or are struggling and are seemingly "normal" happy couples. It's taught me to be compassionate, to never assume why someone may or may not have kids, and to be sensitive - always - to what others might be going through. It prepared me to be a truly selfless mother. Before I was able to conceive I gave my body wholeheartedly to doctors to manipulate and create the optimal environment to grow and nourish a baby - and that has helped me to be less selfish and more giving now, as a mom. I will forever be grateful for all that infertility has given me - because honestly - it's made me one bad ass bitch.
So please, never underestimate what anyone might be going through. Even if someone has kids already, they may have struggled the first time around, they may have lost 5 babies just to have 1, or they may be struggling with secondary infertility. The sting of infertility never goes away - ever. We have one remaining embryo and if you ask us one day we think we might be done, the next day we think we are going to go back for our last baby - but the one thing I can tell you is that I will forever be infertile, even having 3 sweet babies in my arms. I'll always get a ping in my heart and a pit in my stomach when someone announces they're pregnant. Not because I'm not immensly happy for them - trust me I would never wish infertility on my worst enemy, ever - but because I'm sad for us. Sad that it never was and never would be easy, sad because I never got to experience sitting at work and suddenly having to bolt to the bathroom with morning sickness and being surprised that we were pregnant, being able to surprise my husband with a cute little gift and a positive pregnancy test. All of it. Trust me and every other infertile person in the world - whether we have kiddos or not - we are happy for you, we really and truly are, whether infertile or not you beat it and you won - but there will always be this longing in our heart and the "why not me?" question.
So please - if you come across someone who is struggling or you yourself battles infertility - please reach out, to me, to your friends, to someone because you don't have to go it alone. It's amazing how many families I've met that have struggled and won - and I guarantee you most of them would be more than happy to share their story and experience with you.
Our first ever delivery of meds. Holy smokes!!
Reading up on how to do the meds. Unlike a lot of clinics ours didn't offer any sort of training.
The very first time I ever gave myself a shot. I will never forget feeling so empowered afterwards
Chris is the best doctor ever!
Trigger for round #1
After our first retrieval. We would get 11 eggs and only 1 would fertilize. :( This is when we discovered our problems were far bigger than we imagined.
What having a baby looks like when you're infertile. Fun times...
Serious pure joy at our first transfer
Our sweet 1st embryo. The doctors transferred it as a hail mary knowing it likely wasn't strong enough to hold on.
My smile says it all - officially PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) for the first time ever
Shooting up at an outdoor concert at Ravinia and the official start of round 2
Med prep in the first aid room at Soldier Field for Bon Jovi
Trigger for round 2 which would eventually give us our sweet Ceej and our loves M&M
These lucky socks have been at every retrieval, transfer and birth
Retrieval #2
18 eggs this time!!! We would end up with 5 viable embryos!
Ready for Ceej's transfer
Our sweet Ceej
Holy shit we are pregnant!
Ready for Transfer #3
Our 3rd embryo that would decide not to stick around :(
Feeling hopeful after trasnfer #3
Our sweet Max and Mia - day 6 embryos
I knew when I got that first positive test and it had barely been 4 days that both of our sweet embryos had decided to stick around
XOXO
K
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