Never again...
Spending so much time with a sick baby in the hospital, not being able to hold him for days on end, not being able to let him be a normal baby and roll on to his belly and play, not being able to see and hold my other two babies, and not having time for weeks as a family has put so much into perspective for me. It's helping me realize what's important, the things that don't matter, and teaching me not to take for granted the seemingly simple things in life any longer.
Like holding my babies. Cuddling them belly to belly - with no restrictions. Being able to feel their sweet little breath on my neck as I literally feel every muscle in their body melting as they drift off to sleep in mommas arms where they are meant to be.
Like taking an afternoon walk with my crazy crew. Sure - it takes 15 minutes to get everyone bundled up and into the stroller and generally someone isn't happy about the adventure - but I will never agin take for granted being able to have them together in the stroller, sun shining on their sweet little heads, Mimi's pig kicking out the side, Maxy chewing on his scrunchy book and Ceej hollering "choo-choo" from the captains chair.
Like the chaos that is dinner time at our house. Literally someone is always screaming - no exaggeration. Always. It's a total shit show. By 5:15-5:30 someone is always overtired and melting down and forget us being able to talk about our days - ain't happening. But I never again will take it for granted. The few nights I've went home in the past 2 weeks it's been for very short periods of time and just isn't the same without the 5 of us there. I caught myself thinking and daydreaming about having everyone together - chaos and all.
Like being able to pack everyone in the car and just go. Whether it be for a drive, to target or on an adventure like the zoo or the arboretum. I will not take that for granted again. Just like a walk - it takes us even longer to load up, get everyone in seats and make sure we have the right car seats, enough dipes and babas for everyone. Sometimes it feels like a pain in the ass and not worth the effort - but we "can." Now - until this is all cleared up and Max's neurosurgeon is comfortable he's still on restrictions where he has to remain horizontal and can only be in his car seat for short periods of time - 20/30 minutes except for the trip home from the hospital where the surgeon has given us an hour. If for some reason we aren't able to make it in an hour (traffic/accident what have you) we have to pull over, get him out of his seat and keep him completely horizontal for a few hours. Hoping that doesn't happen on our journey home - that's for sure.
Like being able to get up in the middle of the night with my babies. Trust me - we don't sleep in the hospital. Post surgery and the night we came back in through the ER and anytime they've needed to do a procedure like the picc we've been on an every hour vital sign schedule. Every hour. Which means that no one is sleeping. Then they move to 2 hours and then 4 hours and that's the longest window you get. While I 100% agree that the vitals are a total necessity it makes it hard in our situation because I cannot pick him up and cuddle him back to sleep. I have to try to get him to settle down and relax and drift back off just laying in the bed which is not the easiest when he's pissed as a little hornet because he was woken up or he thinks it's playtime. So being able to get up with them in the middle of the night and cuddle them and rock them - I will never take that for granted again.
Like our amazing "village". Our family - in particular our mothers - holy smokes, I cannot even find the words to say to express how grateful we are to them. Seriously. I do not know how we would have done this if it weren't for them. Our sisters in law have made meals and picked up the kiddos for play dates and school. Everyone in the family - both sides - have offered to drop everything and help however they can. Be it meals or visits or just someone to hang with. And our friends and groups we are in - totally blown away. I've had friends send little get well items to the hospital - with sweet treats for us to help us get through, I've had mommas in my local and twin moms groups dropping off food and offering to help watch the kiddos so we can have a little time, and friends sending sweet little unexpected surprises like starbucks gift cards. It's amazing that until you need your village you may take them for granted - but it won't happen again.
And lastly I will never take for granted being able to sleep next to my husband. This sounds silly and like an obvious one but in all honestly - 3 kids under 3 and a largely chaotic life and we are like 2 ships passing in the wind most of the time. I can't tell you the last time we had a serious, meaningful, uninterrupted conversation and we often times feel like roomates. But I cannot stress enough how much I've missed his presence at night. I'll be honest I'm a finicky sleeper - I have a very particular pillow - ok about 8 pillows - including 2 huge body pillows and I sweat - alot. (I blame that on my babies) - so I don't even like to canoodle. But I have missed just having him there and knowing that he's there with me - doing this crazy life together.
XOXO
K
Like holding my babies. Cuddling them belly to belly - with no restrictions. Being able to feel their sweet little breath on my neck as I literally feel every muscle in their body melting as they drift off to sleep in mommas arms where they are meant to be.
Like the chaos that is dinner time at our house. Literally someone is always screaming - no exaggeration. Always. It's a total shit show. By 5:15-5:30 someone is always overtired and melting down and forget us being able to talk about our days - ain't happening. But I never again will take it for granted. The few nights I've went home in the past 2 weeks it's been for very short periods of time and just isn't the same without the 5 of us there. I caught myself thinking and daydreaming about having everyone together - chaos and all.
See told you mass chaos! This was probably lunch and he was likely crying because I didn't have the ratio of peanut butter and jelly precisely right - but this pretty much sums up meal times.
Like being able to pack everyone in the car and just go. Whether it be for a drive, to target or on an adventure like the zoo or the arboretum. I will not take that for granted again. Just like a walk - it takes us even longer to load up, get everyone in seats and make sure we have the right car seats, enough dipes and babas for everyone. Sometimes it feels like a pain in the ass and not worth the effort - but we "can." Now - until this is all cleared up and Max's neurosurgeon is comfortable he's still on restrictions where he has to remain horizontal and can only be in his car seat for short periods of time - 20/30 minutes except for the trip home from the hospital where the surgeon has given us an hour. If for some reason we aren't able to make it in an hour (traffic/accident what have you) we have to pull over, get him out of his seat and keep him completely horizontal for a few hours. Hoping that doesn't happen on our journey home - that's for sure.
Mall hangs - and holy smokes look how chunky Ceej was!
Like being able to get up in the middle of the night with my babies. Trust me - we don't sleep in the hospital. Post surgery and the night we came back in through the ER and anytime they've needed to do a procedure like the picc we've been on an every hour vital sign schedule. Every hour. Which means that no one is sleeping. Then they move to 2 hours and then 4 hours and that's the longest window you get. While I 100% agree that the vitals are a total necessity it makes it hard in our situation because I cannot pick him up and cuddle him back to sleep. I have to try to get him to settle down and relax and drift back off just laying in the bed which is not the easiest when he's pissed as a little hornet because he was woken up or he thinks it's playtime. So being able to get up with them in the middle of the night and cuddle them and rock them - I will never take that for granted again.
Like our amazing "village". Our family - in particular our mothers - holy smokes, I cannot even find the words to say to express how grateful we are to them. Seriously. I do not know how we would have done this if it weren't for them. Our sisters in law have made meals and picked up the kiddos for play dates and school. Everyone in the family - both sides - have offered to drop everything and help however they can. Be it meals or visits or just someone to hang with. And our friends and groups we are in - totally blown away. I've had friends send little get well items to the hospital - with sweet treats for us to help us get through, I've had mommas in my local and twin moms groups dropping off food and offering to help watch the kiddos so we can have a little time, and friends sending sweet little unexpected surprises like starbucks gift cards. It's amazing that until you need your village you may take them for granted - but it won't happen again.
And lastly I will never take for granted being able to sleep next to my husband. This sounds silly and like an obvious one but in all honestly - 3 kids under 3 and a largely chaotic life and we are like 2 ships passing in the wind most of the time. I can't tell you the last time we had a serious, meaningful, uninterrupted conversation and we often times feel like roomates. But I cannot stress enough how much I've missed his presence at night. I'll be honest I'm a finicky sleeper - I have a very particular pillow - ok about 8 pillows - including 2 huge body pillows and I sweat - alot. (I blame that on my babies) - so I don't even like to canoodle. But I have missed just having him there and knowing that he's there with me - doing this crazy life together.
XOXO
K
Comments
Post a Comment