A Note to my Sweet Casey

A big reason why I started this blog was to document our journey to and through parenthood for our little ones. I think it will be really cool for them to be able to read these words as they get older and know what their lives were like in the early days. Part of what I've wanted to do on here is write notes for CJ of what I'm thinking and feeling at different points in his life so here goes nothing!

Dear My Sweet Casey,

Wow, you have only been with us for 24 short days but already you have rocked our world in the best way possible. You have changed my life more than I ever ever thought was possible. I never knew love like this existed until you came along. Most days - I just sit and stare in awe at you - that your daddy and I made you, that I carried you in my belly for almost 10 months, and that you are actually mine. I cannot believe it.

You came into this world with an attitude just like your momma - you are little but fierce - and I know that means you are destined to do really great things. You came out shaking your head, crossing your eyes, and baby birding (as mommy and daddy call it) and screaming to beat the band. You were angry and irritated and your personality definitely showed through in the first moments of your life - and I just love it! You look just like daddy with a few hints of momma but your personality is identical to me. You and I are going to be best friends.

The first weeks of your life have brought so much joy to daddy and I that literally as I type this I can't hold back the tears. We waited, wished and prayed for you - for a very very long time - and the fact that our dreams came true is still a bit unbelievable. We've had some breastfeeding challenges but other than that you are an amazing baby. Mommy and daddy are still sleeping on the couch - 24 days later - but we have a lifetime to sleep in our bed. As much as mommy swore she wouldn't - I love to sleep with you on my chest - it's the sweetest thing ever. I wrap you up in a blanket and you just lay so peacefully - it's the most wonderful feeling ever.

Despite your slow weight gain - you have already outgrown your newborn PJs with the feet! Momma has a lot of moments where I look at you and get sad that you are already getting so big - one month in a just a few short days! I may or may not shed a few tears and Daddy is always there with a hug and to ask what's wrong. I tell him I'm so sad you are getting big already - that I just want to keep you small and little. And he says no you don't momma - you want him to get big. You want him to say "mama and dada", you want him to grasp for you, to wake up and smile and coo in the morning when he sees your face, to ask to be put down and grab your hand as you walk down the street for the first time, to look back at you as he takes his first bike ride without training wheels, and to wave to you from the bus as he's headed to school for the first time. And I want all those things - and so much more - but for now - time can slow down because there is nothing better in this world than your sweet, sleepy, milk face cuddles after one of our nursing sessions.

I love you more than life itself Casey James and I promise to be the best mom in the world to you. I promise to love you to the moon and back - and let you know this many times a day. I promise to provide the best life humanly possible so that you can explore the world, explore what you like, what you want to do - and support you in all of your choices. You are one loved little boy already - by so many people - and I want you to always know that. No matter where this life takes you - I will be here for you - always and forever sweet boy.

Love you so so much,
Momma
XOXO

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