Being a supportive Momma

Since having my little man I have become a part of quite a few moms groups. Some through meetup.com, some on instagram, some of facebook - you get the picture. These are women all in the same boat as I am - often first time moms trying to navigate this crazy ride that is parenthood. These women become close friends - whether we've met in real life or not - they become legitimately some of the most important people in my life. There are there during 2 am wake ups, they are there when Ceej is crying and I can't figure out why, they are there to offer advice, an ear to listen, and shoulders to cry on.

Unfortunately, in many of these groups mommy wars and judgement occasionally seeps in and it causes all hell to break out. This makes me so so sad because honestly being a mom is hard - I kid you not this shit is so hard and whether it be through a phone or computer, in real life over a cup of coffee, or in your living room - as a mom you need some serious support. You need to hear from other mommas who have been there, done that. You have questions about pooping frequency, consistency, and color that you can't ask just anyone about. And you don't want to be that mom that calls the doctor every 3 minutes. You have questions about food and feeding, about formula, about normal baby sounds - all of it - and it's nice to know you aren't crazy or overreacting.

However, what I've come to realize is that in trying to be supportive of certain things - some mommas tend to take it too far. There are a couple of examples that come to mind and I would like to share my thoughts on them - not to stir shit up or cause a fuss with anyone - but to help us all remember how to be supportive, why it's important to be supportive - and that honestly it takes a village to raise a child and we are all in this together.

1. Breast feeding vs. formula feeding. This is my number one beef. Let's start by saying I do both - we all know that. I literally do not produce enough milk for Ceej and it's not for lack of trying. I have taken every supplement known to man, drank gallons of tea, eaten lactation cookies by the dozen, stuffed my face with oatmeal and stood on my head and did 5 sommersaults and NOTHING worked to help me produce more milk. It is what it is. So I provide Ceej with as much breastmilk as possible and give him formula after that. I know there are mommas who exclusively breastfeed and having had issues with hurt and cracked nipples and weeks in the beginning where CJ's latch would literally make me come off the couch those mommas should be damn proud of themselves for exclusively breast feeding but what I think is lost on them sometimes is that it doesn't come easy for everyone. Sure there are mommas that choose from the beginning to formula feed - and that's perfectly ok too. But for those of us who don't have the choice some of the enthusiasm can be mistaken for judgment. And then I have actually seen women say very hurtful comments like "I feel sorry for moms who have to cart around and wash bottles when all I have to do is whip out a boob". Remember mommas it's not a choice for everyone and although I'm sure you are not intentionally trying to be hurtful it can easily be taken that way.

2. Homemade vs. store bought food. Honestly before Ceej was here I bought the baby bullet, the baby steamer and I was ready to make every last piece of food he ate. The reality, I have a baby who isn't good at napping or sleeping for that matter and I'm exhausted most of the time. And not to sound selfish but when I do have a few minutes I like to do a few things for myself like shower or get a quick work out in. So for me - Ceej eats organic, store bought food with nothing extra added. If it says peach, pear and kale - there are 3 ingredients. But...that's what works for our family. We feel comfortable with it and that's what we've chosen to do. I know I grew up on good ole Gerber non organic baby food and I would like to think that I'm pretty ok. No matter how or what you feed your babies - please be careful about how you pose it. To be excited because you used your baby bullet, or made a kick ass batch of food is great!! And I will cheer you on. To post that same batch of baby food and say I can't believe everyone doesn't do this or to say this is so much better than that store bought stuff, God knows what goes into that - that's not so nice. Same goes for rice cereal - I know there are lots of studies to show it's not good for babies and our doctor has advised against it so we chose not to do it - but I ate it as a child and it certainly didn't mess me up for life so if you want to feed it to your baby go ahead! I definitely fed it to Ceej before being told that the doc would prefer we didn't.

3. Crying it out vs. not. So this is near and dear to my heart and at the fore front for our family right now. I always felt as though I was staunchly against crying it out. Until I had a baby that wouldn't sleep longer than a 2 hour stretch and my husband and I were completely exhausted and losing all sense of us, and each other, and were struggling. We had our first night of sleep training last night. We are taking a very attachment like approach where Chris stays with Ceej during all of the crying and it was honestly not as bad as we thought it would be. I woke up proud that CJ is learning something - it was one of those moments where I was like way to go buddy you did it and you can do this and momma and daddy are going to keep encouraging you and reminding you that you can do this little man! But I know that some don't agree with letting babies cry. That's fine if that's your viewpoint you are certainly entitled to that view and can do what you feel is best for your family. But to judge or question what I may do and to say I'm going to damage him or that it's not being fair to him - that's well - not so nice.

Bottom line - as mothers we NEED each other. We need to lift one another up, we need to be there when the times get tough (because we all know they will) and we need to encourage one another and remember that we are all doing the best we can and what we feel is the best for our babies and our families. Can't we all just get along?! :)

XOXO

K