This is gonna be the best day of my life...

So today was my last day working in the office before working remotely until Baby Wik decides to make his or her appearance! Maternity leave has me feeling mixed emotions - I have been at my job for about 8.5 years and there are many people there that I'm very close to - so walking out for the last time today for a few months was a bit bittersweet. I decided to work remotely for the last 3 weeks (or less maybe!!) because I commute about 25 miles each way - which seems like nothing but with Chicago traffic can be an absolute beast! A good commute is an hour - a bad one can be 2! Then from my house to the hospital in rush hour - although it's only about 7 miles - can take an hour and a half to two hours - so…hence anxious momma wanting to be at home!

In other exciting news this happened today:

Is this real life? Seriously - how are we full term, how do I have a baby the size of a watermelon in my belly, how do we only have 3 weeks left and am I reading the I'm expecting app correctly when it says your baby is ready to make his or her entrance in the world? Someone. pinch. me.

Which brings me to the song I am hoping to bring Baby Wik into this world listening to. It's silly - it's trendy - but I love it. And although it has nothing to do with babies or anything like that it totally speaks to me - and makes me so so happy every time I hear it! It's American Authors "Best Day of my Life". I am sure you have heard it - I believe it's in at least one commercial but there are just parts of it that remind me of our struggles, all of the prayers and tears and waiting and wishing. 

The first few lyrics of the song are " I had a dream so big and loud, I jumped so high I touched the clouds" - and any infertile will appreciate those words. Often times, when you struggle to conceive you feel like the dreams you have of having a family are truly insurmountable. And every time you take a step forward - before you know it someone pushes you 5 steps back. Case in point - I thought when we saw the doc and he said IVF is your only option, I thought GREAT - that's a sure fire way to make a baby and make one fast. Wrong, wrong wrong. So after failed cycle #1 we had to put our heads down and decide is our dream bigger than what we are going to have to endure to achieve it and can we do this. 

The second lyric that speaks to me is "I stretched my hands out to the sky". I have always been a spiritual person and grew up going to church - but never in my life have I prayed more than I have in the past year - ever. I prayed silently, I prayed out loud, I cried and prayed, I screamed and prayed - you name it. I will never forget driving down the highway during my big sch bleed, sobbing uncontrollably and just saying over and over out loud - please God don't let this be the end of this Baby - please protect us and see us through this. And he did. I prayed every week during acupuncture - I would lay on the table and pray for myself, Baby Wik, all my TTC sisters, you name it - it was my one hour a week away from the TV, my cell phone, and reality - to be with myself and God. I miss it a lot.

Third is "I'm never gonna look back, whoa, never gonna give it up no, please don't wake me now." The part of this lyric that totally screams to me is please don't wake me now. I cannot believe that this is real - that in 3 weeks or less we will be holding our little IVF miracle, our angel we have dreamed about for years and we will finally have a family of our own. A lot of my TTC sisters ask when does the worrying go away - when did you start to feel comfortable? The answer…never. Full term, knowing that baby could come and be just fine any second - I still don't feel comfortable and I still in the back of my mind am terrified everything is not going to be OK. We have a growth ultrasound tomorrow - I'm just as nervous as I was for our first ultrasound. So prayers that everything looks perfect tomorrow would be very much appreciated!

And finally - and perhaps the most obvious is "This is gonna be the best day of my life" - not sure I need to put too much color around that one - but we are just so excited that soon Baby Wik will be here, in the flesh - and Chris and I both know his or her arrival is going to be the best day of our lives!

XOXO

K