Close of one chapter, beginning of another
I cannot believe it - but CJ is 2 months today!! We haven't taken his pics yet so I'll share that in another post! What I want to talk about today is the close of one of the most important and special times of our lives - for now at least.
This Tuesday, I cleaned out my medicine cabinet, gathered all my meds, grabbed the follistim from the cheese drawer in the fridge, bagged up all my needles and put them all in the car - with my little IVF miracle - and donated them to self paying patients at my fertility clinic. I must tell you it was very very hard for me to do this - I honestly wasn't ready to part with them but many of them expire within the next year and they weren't doing me any good laying here. I still wasn't able to part with my sharps container and honestly probably never will.
I also had my 8 week postpartum visit where I got a clean bill of health! I also received quite possible the sweetest compliment ever from my doctor. I may not have shared this before but after having CJ and experiencing the love and the amazing experience that is childbirth - I want all the babies - literally all of them! I love being a mom more than I ever imagined. When we were talking about when it's safe to get pregnant again I told the doc that I wanted to be pregnant again the second CJ came out - it was one of the first questions I asked I was joking with the doc and I said I don't know why I'm like that. He said because I've never met anyone that cherished their pregnancy more or was more excited to be a mom than you.
This touched my heart in so many ways - when you become a mom all you want in the world is to be the very best mom you can - literally everything else in the world melts away and your little one is número uno. The funny thing was is that I know tons and tons of women who would be the very same way - would cherish every single second and a lot who do! And for all those women CJ and I pray every day that they finally get their miracles and are able to experience what their heart truly longs for.
The donating of the meds and the post partum check signified the end of the early chapters of CJ's story. I came home and looked at the book I made for him including our IVF pictures, his early ultrasounds and all the belly pics and it made me sad and happy at the same time. Our journey to him and what we had to go through truly has made me a better mom and I believe will help shape CJ in the end. A big part that journey was my extreme stubbornness and hard will - which you just have when you are a proud member of the infertile club - and CJ 100% has my feisty stubborn attitude - and I love it.
So right now we are in the next chapter with our little one. Our worries went from where are we going to have a drink before dinner and which festival are we going to get blasted at to OMG CJ hasn't pooped in a day is that ok? Is the consistency of it normal? Why isn't he eating his whole bottle - this list goes on. And we wouldn't have it any other way.
That isn't to say we don't want to give CJ brothers and or sisters and trust me - we will be starting that as soon as possible. We will try on our own for a month or so and have been cleared to try in October. However the doc has told us don't try for more than a month or so because it's likely not going to happen - so it will be back to FCI for us in early 2015 to finally begin reuniting with our frozen embryos. That's the crazy part about closing this chapter - it's almost like you dog-ear the page and highlight a few sentences because we know we are going to need to come back here later for our second miracle - but that's ok a everything is easier the second time around right? And we have this little face to remind us that's "it's the most with it thing."