1 or 2 - that is the question...
So when I last left you I had mentioned we had transferred 1 perfect embryo and that we had 4 frosties - wait a second hold up - why didn't you transfer 2 you might ask? Ahh, this is the question we have been asked by everyone this past week. And so the drama begins...
After the first cycle Chris and I would sit and dream big. We would wonder what might happen if we were able to have more than 1 embryo one cycle? Our clinic sent us the recurring credit card form just in case we every had embryos to freeze - we filled it out and actually giggled thinking waste of your time lady - that will never happen. Our biggest hope was to one day have an embryo strong enough to make it to a 5 day transfer! Throughout this cycle I would casually bring it up to him - "you know, this cycle just feels like it's right - everything is going well despite the few bumps we faced - we may have to start talking about how many to transfer". Chris was having none of it! He didn't want to jinx us so imagine how surprised we were when last Friday we got the call we had 7 fertilized and they were all growing nicely! We then started to realize we had to talk about it! We debated and went back and forth, watched the MTV True Life special - "I'm desperate to have a baby" and decided the right answer for us was 2.
Fastforward to transfer day - when we arrived at the transfer to find out that 2 were perfect Grade AA blastocysts and we had 2 for sure that they assumed would make it to freeze on day 6 and another 2 that might catch up - we were overjoyed. The decision in my mind was still 2. My husband is a product manager now - but he was trained as an electrical engineer, got his degree from Purdue (go Boilers!) and so he is a numbers nerd - through and through. He is also a big data guy - give him numbers and statistics and he's happy as a clam! So he started asking questions as soon as she said they strongly suggested transferring 1.
The embryologist described it as literally putting all of our eggs in one basked (no pun intended I am sure) to transfer 2. She said that the chance of pregnancy is about 60% with 1 and only rises to around 65% with two - however your risk for multiples doubles. We ain't trying to have twins here! We would love them and embrace them of course after all the struggling - but I am not trying to be the next Octomom - we just want a healthy baby. So hubby, being a numbers guy said ok - we can have 1 shot with both embryos at 65% or two different tries by transferring one at a time at 60% each thus raising your cumulative odds to somewhere in the ballpark of 84% or so (funny story - my husband and brother and law are so alike that when we shared the story with them he said the very same thing - love you K & A!!). So immediately Chris did an about face and was on board with the embyrologist and doctor who were both pushing 1 - he was sold.
And I was....pissed. I thought he was "siding" with them - hello crazy hormonal lady! And I got angry at him. We kicked everyone out the room and I cried - a lot. Again, I blame the drugs! I thought he was blindsiding me. So over the next hour they would come in - have you made a decision yet - and I would start crying and they would leave. They would wheel the ultrasound machine in and I would wail - and then they would leave. Finally an hour and a half later, lots of tears, and lots of hugs I realized he was right. For us it was the right decision. And we transferred what I hope and pray will become our perfect little baby Wik.
I have learned so much about myself throughout this infertility struggle and the most important is that I am stronger than I ever imagined. If that second embryo that we would have trasnferred is the one meant to be our beautiful little baby soon - it's all snug as a bug in an igloo waiting for me - and I am strong enough to go through whatever it takes to make sure this happens. Whether that be a few more months of waiting, a frozen transfer and all the crazy intramuscular shots that go along with it - or even another fresh cycle - I can do - we can do it - and we will. We will be parents one day and we will be damn good ones at that!