And the wait is over...almost

This  post is proudly brought to you by insomnia on beta day!! It's 4am and I've tossed and turned for so long I figured why not get up and do something production! We leave the house in a little less than 2 hours for our beta and then immediately hop a plane to Vegas! I have so many emotions right now - happy that the day has finally come, sad that the wait is over because I'm scared it's bad news and that means the hope is gone, and just overall ready to get it over with.

As I mentioned we are headed to Las Vegas. We've had this trip planned all summer and before Mr. Enormous cyst decided to show this cycle - we would have been right on track to have finished the cycle and known the results before the trip. As soon as the nurse called last week to schedule the transfer for Tuesday - I knew it would intersect with our trip. We were supposed to go last night so we debated for many many hours - do we go, do we not go? Do we push our beta back to Monday to which we promptly looked at each other and decided that might have been the dumbest thing either one of us had ever suggested! We decided if it's good news we can celebrate but more importantly - if we get bad news again - it will be a great and fun distraction.

I am normally a very positive and happy person - but inside I am a total worrier. And one of my biggest faults is that I always assume the worst. I think - especially with infertility - it's our way of protecting ourselves and building this nice little wall around our hearts so that if we get bad news or there are bumps in the road - it hurts just a little less. I always think of the fall being much much harder and much longer from "Cloud 9" than from a little step stool on the ground. Hence, my totally bipolar Vegas packing. I am normally a huge gym rat, I love to work out and stay active and as many of you know - during an IVF cycle and particularly during your TWW that's a no no. If - no when - we get pregnant - my activity will be severely restricted for the first 12 weeks and I cannot wait! However, I would love nothing more than that call saying I can't. So back to packing - I had to pack my meds (Vivelle dots and Endometrin inserts) just in case. There's nothing worse and more final than when they call and say you aren't pregnant and you can stop all your meds. Pulling those Vivelle patches off my belly was one of the saddest moments of last cycle. So long story, but this picture pretty much sums of my crazy packing and the emotions that went with it....

Vivelle and Endometrin if it's good news - workout clothes and lady things if it's bad

This cycle has been amazing - honestly it truly has. Other than being tired I felt great, we had some major bumps along the road and a few setbacks - but we have 4 babies waiting for us. I was worried that the drama of 2 vs. 1 (and our ultimate decision to transfer only 1) was going to be weighing on me today but it's honestly the last thing on my mind. On that day, Chris and I both made peace with the fact that if we are supposed to be pregnant with one of those babies - we will be one of these days we just have to be patient - it'll happen (sound familiar?) So I'll leave you with a quote I found that immediately reminds me of the baby that we will hold in our arms one day - this will happen - and we are hoping and praying that today is that day...


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