Sitting, Waiting, Wishing...

It was the 21st already!! When I last left you we had just had Beta #2 and it was 445! :) Yesterday was our third and final beta and I am happy to report...

The nurse described it as "perfect" which put me a little at ease since it didn't exactly double in 48 hours. From all the research I've read as long as it's increasing by at least 60% in 48 hours and doubling within 48-72 that is a good thing! So now we wait for our first ultrasound where they will be checking to be sure the pregnancy is in the uterus and not the tubes. At first I was like is this woman crazy - with IVF you bypass the tubes all together and they take your eggs directly from your ovaries so you would think that the chance of an ectopic or tubal pregnancy would be slim to none but from what I've learned from Mr. Google and Dr. Bing is that IVF pregnancies actually have a higher rate of ectopic pregnancy - 1 out of 30 or 3%. I know - small odds but the worry wart in my is terrified! So in 5 short days we have our 4th mini milestone of checking for the little bean on an ultrasound so keep those prayers coming!

So everyone is asking how I am feeling and physically the answer is GREAT - could not be better. Maybe a little sleepy but nothing bad. Mentally, I'll be honest, I am a wreck. I am terrified that something is going to go wrong and I just cannot bring myself to believe that this is really real. Every time we had a beta I waited for that phone to ring with bad news - and it was all good. The nurses used words like phenomenal and perfect. So why am I so terrified for the next step? I have zero reason to believe it's going to be anything but great, fabulous and happy news. But I just can't bring myself to let my guard down yet. I think once we get through the first two ultrasound - the first being next week and the second 7-10 days from them when we will get to hear the little beans heartbeat - I might be able to breathe...just a little easier. It kills me that I haven't been able to truly relax and enjoy it yet - we have an appointment with a normal OB-Gyn tomorrow - it was supposed to be a yearly exam with a new doctor since we didn't yet have one in the city but now it will be a meet and greet and hopefully he will be able to answer my enormous list of early pregnancy questions! 

The hubby and I really aren't talking about it all that much. We are of course overjoyed and over the moon and so grateful to have been blessed with such an amazing gift after all the struggles - but I think we are both sharing the nervous anxiety that comes with finally achieving what you want most in this life. I know that now I need to give it up to God and put my faith and trust in him and his will and know that he will see us through this. I have an amazing family and so many great friends rooting for us and praying that how could anything possibly go wrong right? 

So for now - we wait and we pray - and we pee on a lot of sticks and we hope that the next few days passes so we can hit that next milestone

Oh and this happened today...could not get enough salt. And black licorice - for those of you that know me I hate it. Like spit it out and wash your mouth out hate it but today...could.not.get.enough.


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